Maximalist on the state of nannies..NOT the nanny state

Disclaimer: The Maximalist takes pride in having raised her own children without the use of daycare or live in help...


Most sources are clear that tha nanny is more than a babysitter or housekeeper. A nanny is someone who is trained to care for children and supply not only supervision but provides intellectual stimulation. Many have certification and even degrees in early childhood education. Even when they don't have serious CVs they do have one thing in common, the have access to the most important and helpless people in your life, your children.

So, a nanny is not someone who you want to belittle in anyway or treat like an underling. This is someone who will shape your child's personality, who will respond to your baby's cries and needs with love or indifference, and it is someone who may even shape your child's view of himself and his family.

You want this person to feel valued and to value you, not as "the boss" but as an integral part of your child's life and an ally.

A couple nights ago, the Maximalist had the misfortune of seeing a mother treat someone introduced as "the nanny" as a kitchen maid. The occasion was a largish dinner party where the children were present. Naturally, one would expect that a nanny might sit with the children and tend to their needs. In this case she was told she would be doing the cleaning up, scrubbing pots and pans and filling the dishwasher. She would also eat in the kitchen, by herself.

I was appalled. I do not know the lady's background, but I do know that she watches over that woman's children while she and her husband are away at work and that the children are very young, still preschoolers.

Why would you want to alienate someone with such a position in our home, who lived in your home? Why would you want your children to see you treat her like that?

I doubt if the woman would lash out at the children, but why take that chance?

Nannies are doing what is traditionally mommy's or grandma's job. The Maximalist does not believe that a person in that role is to be belittled, but cultivated and cherished so that she may feel the love and loyalty she is shown, so that she and the children's parents teach the children the value of that loyalty and care.

I think it's harder to do a good job when you are not valued. It's possible when the children still value you, but when they are taught not to, you would have to be a very strong woman. I suspect plenty of nannies are just that.